Estrangement can be a normal aspect of some relationships - losing touch with an old friend or distant relative over time, for instance. However, in the context of romantic partnerships, purposeful estrangement can become a damaging form of emotional abuse. Here are some ways estrangement can be wielded as a weapon in relationships:
The Silent Treatment - Refusing to speak to or acknowledge a partner for extended periods of time, often days or weeks. This denies intimacy and connection as punishment.
Withholding Affection - Declining physical closeness like hugs, kisses, or sex to hurt and control a partner by depriving them of bonding. May be used coercion.
Restricting Access - Limiting a partner's access to you by ignoring messages/calls, declining time together, or not providing your schedule or contact details.
Jealous Isolation - Forbidding or scaring a partner from spending time with family, friends, or community by claiming "they don't really care about you."
Gaslighting Reality - Feigning ignorance when called out on estrangement behaviors and making a partner question their own perception of events.
These tactics instill insecurity and anxiety in a partner and deteriorate their self-worth over time. The estranged party gains a sense of power and control. Unlike taking space to process emotions, strategic estrangement is a chronic pattern that tears down intimacy. Partners feel lonely and abandoned.
If you feel you are experiencing abuse through estrangement, know there are healthy ways to address conflicts. Counseling can help reveal unhealthy relationship patterns and rebuild self-confidence. You deserve to feel secure.
