When it comes to understanding emotions, there are many common myths that can influence how we experience and cope with them. Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), developed by Dr. Marsha Linehan, helps to challenge some of these misconceptions. DBT offers practical skills to regulate emotions, enhance relationships, and cultivate a healthier relationship with our feelings. In this post, we'll explore some prevalent myths about emotions from a DBT perspective and provide insight on how to approach them with more clarity.
Myth #1: "Emotions are either good or bad."
Many people believe emotions can be divided into "good" and "bad" categories—happiness, excitement, and love being good, while sadness, anger, and fear are bad. This myth leads to the idea that we should always aim to feel positive emotions and avoid negative ones.
DBT's Reality Check: Emotions are not inherently good or bad; they just are. Every emotion serves a function, even those that are uncomfortable. For example, anger can alert us to injustice or boundaries being crossed, while sadness can signal a need for self-care or reflection. DBT encourages us to recognize the function of each emotion, which helps reduce the judgment that often amplifies emotional suffering.
Myth #2: "If I feel a certain way, I should act on it."
There is a widespread belief that if we feel something strongly, we need to take immediate action based on that emotion. This often leads to impulsive decisions driven by heightened feelings.
DBT's Reality Check: DBT teaches the skill of opposite action—the idea that we don't have to act on every emotion in ways that match how we feel. For instance, when we feel intense fear but are not in actual danger, we can practice opposite action by engaging with the situation instead of avoiding it. Emotions are valuable indicators, but they don’t always need to dictate our behaviors.
Myth #3: "Ignoring emotions will make them go away."
Some people believe that pushing emotions aside or "sucking it up" will eventually make them disappear. This myth fuels the avoidance of emotions, often leading to long-term emotional buildup and distress.
DBT's Reality Check: Avoiding emotions can intensify them over time. DBT emphasizes mindfulness—the practice of observing and accepting emotions without judgment. By acknowledging what we're feeling in the present moment, we can process our emotions more effectively. Emotions that are acknowledged and understood are less likely to become overwhelming or persistent.
Myth #4: "Strong emotions are a sign of weakness."
Society often equates emotional expression with vulnerability, labeling it as weakness. This myth fosters emotional suppression and can lead to shame around feeling intense emotions.
DBT's Reality Check: Emotional intensity doesn’t signify weakness; it’s a normal human experience. In fact, acknowledging and validating our emotions takes strength and courage. DBT encourages emotional validation, meaning that our emotions are valid simply because we are experiencing them. It’s not about whether the emotion is right or wrong, but about understanding that feelings are an essential part of the human experience.
Myth #5: "Once you feel an emotion, you're stuck with it."
Many believe that once an emotion sets in, it’s going to last indefinitely, leading to feelings of hopelessness or powerlessness when experiencing difficult emotions.
DBT's Reality Check: Emotions are transient—they come and go like waves. DBT introduces the concept of emotion regulation, which involves identifying and managing emotions effectively. Through skills like distress tolerance and mindfulness, individuals learn to ride the wave of emotion rather than being swallowed by it. Understanding that emotions are temporary can create a sense of empowerment during challenging times.
Myth #6: "Emotions make us irrational."
There is a belief that emotions cloud judgment and make us less rational, which contributes to the idea that emotions should be controlled or suppressed to maintain logic and reason.
DBT's Reality Check: Emotions and logic can coexist. In DBT, there’s a concept known as Wise Mind, which represents the balance between the emotional mind and the rational mind. Wise Mind integrates both emotional intuition and logical reasoning, helping us make decisions that are grounded in both our feelings and our thoughts. Instead of seeing emotions as irrational, DBT helps us understand that emotions provide valuable information for decision-making when balanced with reason.
How DBT Helps You Challenge Emotional Myths
DBT provides tools and skills that challenge these myths about emotions. Some key practices include:
Mindfulness: Staying present and aware of our emotions without judgment.
Emotion Regulation: Understanding, naming, and working with emotions rather than avoiding or acting impulsively.
Distress Tolerance: Handling intense emotions or crises without making the situation worse.
Interpersonal Effectiveness: Learning to communicate emotions clearly and set boundaries.
Through these skills, DBT encourages a more accepting and nuanced approach to emotions, helping individuals move past unhelpful myths that can lead to emotional suffering. Ultimately, emotions are part of the human experience, and learning to work with them can lead to greater resilience and emotional well-being.
If you're struggling with your emotions or are interested in learning more about DBT, consider seeking support from a trained DBT therapist who can help guide you in developing a more balanced and compassionate relationship with your emotions.
